by Hubby 

Before Wifey and I ever started swinging we had our own ideas of what a stereotypical swinger was probably like. Boy, were we way off base.  Look up “Hedo Rick” on YouTube to get an idea of what we thought all Swingers were like.

Clearly there was a curiosity with both of us about the Lifestyle.  At Wifey’s workplace, there had been discussions about how swingers had moved into and were seemingly taken over a nearby, very upscale neighborhood.  Of course, Wifey wondered, “How did people know Swingers had moved in?”  Were the men mowing their lawns wearing only a Speedo? Were the neighborhood women doing their gardening in crotchless, boobless, hot pink bodystockings? Honestly, how do you tell a Swinger from a regular Vanilla person just shopping at the grocery store?

Short answer, you can’t.  Swingers are regular people in 99.99% of every facet of their lives accept for one small difference; we like to have casual recreational sex with people outside of our regular relationship. We don’t usually dress differently than regular people, we don’t have a secret handshake and (try as I might to get the idea across to people) we don’t wear badges.

Before we started in the Lifestyle, we had heard rumors about how you could recognize where swingers lived.  We spent a few weekends driving around neighborhoods while we were still house-hunting looking for white rocks in the yard. We also looked for garden gnomes after hearing that Swingers had those as well.  Try as we might, we didn’t see any overtly tell-tale signs of swingers anywhere.  White rocks & garden gnomes are urban legends.

Who are swingers? They have to be sexshop owners, porn stars, strippers… right? Wrong. We have met one stripper in the Lifestyle. Mostly, we have met nurses, hairdressers, firemen, computer techs, doctors, Cub Scout den mothers, business owners, construction workers, professors, psychiatrists, government workers, teachers and attorneys, and so on. You would probably never guess any of them were swingers if you met them in a Vanilla setting. Swingers also are Republicans, Democrats and non-political….many Swingers we have met are even quite religious.  That one threw us for a loop!

I am sure everyone has a visual image of me in their mind.  I’d like to think it’s reasonably flattering visualization, but I’m sure their idea of me is a little closer to Hedo Rick (haha!).   Really, I’m not quite that bad.  Wifey & I both have very professional jobs so we are very, very protective of our identities. I can actually get away with a little more than most people in the workplace because I have a job that is creatively oriented.  I have spiky hair & earrings but otherwise I am pretty harmless looking.

Another misconception we had was that swingers were probably all very predatory.  Once again, that type is few and far between.  Almost every single person in the Lifestyle that we have met has been very friendly, very respectful of boundaries and very polite. Most likely, a woman will be subject to more unwanted advances at a Vanilla bar than they are at a Swinger’s Club. The first time we went to our Swinger’s Club, one of our now very good friends approached us saying, “I’ve seen your profile on SLS.com.”  We thought he was being a bit of lecher by saying that.  Nope, he was doing his job, trying to make us feel welcome.

I’ll admit, when we do go to the club, there is no shortage of fishnet body-stockings, bustiers & corsets and short minis on the ladies.  But most of them only change into those outfits when they get to the club. Or, they leave the house wearing great big overcoats to disguise that Mommy is wearing a black spandex dress on date night with Daddy. The men usually don’t dress so sexually.  Most men just dress causally but tastefully.  Men at Swinger’s Clubs generally don’t wear anything that would get them a strange look anyplace else.

Wifey & I have tried to embrace some of the kitschy parts of the Lifestyle.  When we host (Host – invite others over to your home for sex) couples or singles at our house, we like to serve our guests fondue with drinks before we play.  It’s sort of our version of a Swinging Seventies theme.  One of the few Vanilla friends we have that knows what we do also gave us three large white rocks that we proudly display for all to see in the garden of our front yard. Wifey has even asked for a tasteful Garden Gnome for the garden.  That’s proving to be more difficult, tasteful & garden gnome tend to be contradictory terms in my mind. But I know I will relent eventually when she finds one she likes; that woman has incredibly pleasurable ways of convincing me to do things.  😉

So the next time you are at work, eating at a restaurant or you are out grocery shopping, look around at the people around you.  Look at the Mom & Dad shopping with 3 little boys, the guy in the power suit always talking about making the big deal, the innocent looking twenty-something checkout girl wearing the gold crucifix on a delicate chain….  Ask yourself, “could they be Swingers?”  Yes, they can.  Who knows? Last Saturday night, the Mom may have been having sex with her husband and two other men all at once in a hotel room, the guy in the power suit was getting spanked while watching his wife give blow-jobs on the dance floor at a Swingers Club and the check-out girl with the crucifix, well, she was eating out a 4th grade teacher who was sucking check-out girl’s boyfriend’s cock while the teacher’s husband was doing her from behind.

This is what the real Swinger Lifestyle is, not some caricature in a sitcom.  We swingers are regular every day people just like you. We just get laid more.

Now, if I could just get this idea of mine about swinger badges to get some traction, conversations Wifey & I have about how we would love to tag team that hot girl with the great melons looking at the cantaloupes would be much easier if we knew that she was a Swinger too.

 

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